Of Darkness And Light
I "discovered" Nox Arcana a few days ago and have been mesmerized ever since. Nox Arcana is a dark ambient musical project by the American gothic fantasy artist Joseph Vargo. The music is hauntingly beautiful and reminiscent of Gothic horror movie soundtracks.
But don't let that scare you away! This music is also reminiscent of Phantom of the Opera, and Mozart and Bach's darker pieces, as well. So if you are a fan of either of those composers, or Phantom, or just Gothic horror, then you will love Nox Arcana.
While I was surfing YouTube for more dark ambient I came across a video called, "Angels and Demons Captured on Film" which lead me to another amazing dark ambient masterpiece called, Lux Aeterna, by Clint Mansell.
Well That Was Childish
So, a "situation" arose this last week (and prompted my insanity confession) that has now escalated to a point beyond my wildest fantasy.
The current issue stems from my having asked one of my "friends" on Facebook to do me a favor. I know, what an evil person I am, how dare I ask someone for a favor! Y'know what's even worse? I apologized for asking and let it be known that it was okay if the favor was not given. The response? I was summarily unfriended and blocked by this person.
Wow, really? Y'know, funnily enough, this isn't the first time this has happened, although the first time it happened I wasn't blocked...well, not at the time...well, let me check and see if that's changed...oh, whoops, my bad, apparently I have been blocked by that other person as well. Again, really?
When did it become a heinous crime to ask for a favor? If there was a question regarding said favor then that could easily have been cleared up, but unfortunately, it wasn't. Which leads me to further unwelcome thoughts.
Y'know, I don't like being played. In fact it makes me mad as hell when people play games with me. All I can say to you is that, when you need a favor, I hope I'm the only one who can render the aid you need, because unlike you, I don't consider it a crime to help people. Although, in your case I might make an exception.
This Is A Test Of The Emergency Broadcast System...
There's something I'd like you to know about me.
I'm crazy.
No, seriously, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and agoraphobia years ago. That's a pretty bad combination because, when you're depressed you should talk to people, but when you're in the thick of an agoraphobic flair-up (and, incidentally, depression is a trigger for agoraphobia) you don't want to...so, when I get depressed I get agoraphobic...and when I get agoraphobic...do the words "vicious cycle" mean anything?
Good times, I assure you.
"Don't they have meds for that?" You ask. Why yes, yes they do, and I've been on meds periodically since I was diagnosed. But the problem with meds is, they make me irrational and aggressive...so yeah, I'm no longer suicidal, but now I'm homicidal. Don't you wish you had options like me? *buffs nails*
"What about that stuff...what is it...St. something?" St. John's Wort? Yeah, I've tried that. But I can't honestly say it had an effect. I know the fluoxetine works, but I don't know the St. John's Wort does, and right now, I'm too whacked to try the SJW in the off chance that it will actually stop me from hurting myself in a bad way. Now I just run the risk of doing something incredibly stupid, y'know, like essentially threatening a good friend (still can't believe I did that - please, disregard my last email! That was the crazy talking!!!)
So for now, the trade off is a bit of homicidal aggression...oh, and jitters. It's kinda like having drunk a pot of coffee followed by another pot of coffee, followed by a bottle of No-Doze, and chased with a 2 liter bottle of some caffeinated soda...yeah, it's intense. And don't even get me started on the dreams! (Oh, and if I start laughing for absolutely no reason or I laugh at inappropriate things, yeah, it's the meds.)
So why would I go through with this? Because, if I don't, then I really am that much crazier. No seriously, ask my friends. Cuz, see, here's another problem I have...overactive imagination. I've always been the type of person who spends a lot of time in Fantasyland; probably because my reality hasn't been all that spectacular. So when I'm depressed, this overactive imagination has a tendency to...how shall we say...make stuff up. And usually, it ain't good.
So why am I telling you all this? Firstly, because I want to give a heads up to everyone who knows me personally...I am back on the meds that keep me from hurting myself in a bad way, but they tend to make me mean...yeah okaaaaaay, meaner. (The one upside to this is that they also make me somewhat funny and unblock my writing ability - so while I'm being mean to you, I'll at least have the presence of mind to be funny while I'm writing about it!)
Second, so that when I freak out and need someone to talk to like, right now, then I hope you can be there to listen to me be crazy, because sometimes just talking helps. I've also learned over time, that music helps too. But when I need to talk, I need to talk, and music just doesn't cut it; because, while there is loads of music out there that very accurately describes how I'm feeling (when you're depressed there's no one like Morrissey to make you feel like you're not the only one who's a total loser), there are times when I need someone to be a sounding board and help me work through the morass flooding my brain.
So, how to tell when I'm having a crisis? Well, I'd like to think that I'm not normally stark raving mad and that you can kinda guess when I'm being creepy-weird or "strange." A good indicator is what videos I'm posting on Facebook. If there's loads of the more depressing stuff of The Smiths/Morrissey, or Peter Murphy, Ultravox, The Fixx, and so on, or stuff that suggests I might be angry at someone (like my Oingo Boingo fest this morning), or if I start posting a lot of someecards I've made myself...then it's a pretty fair bet that I'm not in a Polyanna state of mind!
I know it's not your job to take care of me, but I would like to think that we're good enough friends that I can count on you when I'm ready to engage in activity better suited to a horror movie. Hopefully, now that you know I have this problem, I won't be so afraid to let you know when I do need an intervention. But letting you know was the harder part, I think.
And on that note, I will leave you with one of the songs that I pretty much always listen to when I'm feeling worthless.
I'm crazy.
No, seriously, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and agoraphobia years ago. That's a pretty bad combination because, when you're depressed you should talk to people, but when you're in the thick of an agoraphobic flair-up (and, incidentally, depression is a trigger for agoraphobia) you don't want to...so, when I get depressed I get agoraphobic...and when I get agoraphobic...do the words "vicious cycle" mean anything?
Good times, I assure you.
"Don't they have meds for that?" You ask. Why yes, yes they do, and I've been on meds periodically since I was diagnosed. But the problem with meds is, they make me irrational and aggressive...so yeah, I'm no longer suicidal, but now I'm homicidal. Don't you wish you had options like me? *buffs nails*
"What about that stuff...what is it...St. something?" St. John's Wort? Yeah, I've tried that. But I can't honestly say it had an effect. I know the fluoxetine works, but I don't know the St. John's Wort does, and right now, I'm too whacked to try the SJW in the off chance that it will actually stop me from hurting myself in a bad way. Now I just run the risk of doing something incredibly stupid, y'know, like essentially threatening a good friend (still can't believe I did that - please, disregard my last email! That was the crazy talking!!!)
So for now, the trade off is a bit of homicidal aggression...oh, and jitters. It's kinda like having drunk a pot of coffee followed by another pot of coffee, followed by a bottle of No-Doze, and chased with a 2 liter bottle of some caffeinated soda...yeah, it's intense. And don't even get me started on the dreams! (Oh, and if I start laughing for absolutely no reason or I laugh at inappropriate things, yeah, it's the meds.)
So why would I go through with this? Because, if I don't, then I really am that much crazier. No seriously, ask my friends. Cuz, see, here's another problem I have...overactive imagination. I've always been the type of person who spends a lot of time in Fantasyland; probably because my reality hasn't been all that spectacular. So when I'm depressed, this overactive imagination has a tendency to...how shall we say...make stuff up. And usually, it ain't good.
So why am I telling you all this? Firstly, because I want to give a heads up to everyone who knows me personally...I am back on the meds that keep me from hurting myself in a bad way, but they tend to make me mean...yeah okaaaaaay, meaner. (The one upside to this is that they also make me somewhat funny and unblock my writing ability - so while I'm being mean to you, I'll at least have the presence of mind to be funny while I'm writing about it!)
Second, so that when I freak out and need someone to talk to like, right now, then I hope you can be there to listen to me be crazy, because sometimes just talking helps. I've also learned over time, that music helps too. But when I need to talk, I need to talk, and music just doesn't cut it; because, while there is loads of music out there that very accurately describes how I'm feeling (when you're depressed there's no one like Morrissey to make you feel like you're not the only one who's a total loser), there are times when I need someone to be a sounding board and help me work through the morass flooding my brain.
So, how to tell when I'm having a crisis? Well, I'd like to think that I'm not normally stark raving mad and that you can kinda guess when I'm being creepy-weird or "strange." A good indicator is what videos I'm posting on Facebook. If there's loads of the more depressing stuff of The Smiths/Morrissey, or Peter Murphy, Ultravox, The Fixx, and so on, or stuff that suggests I might be angry at someone (like my Oingo Boingo fest this morning), or if I start posting a lot of someecards I've made myself...then it's a pretty fair bet that I'm not in a Polyanna state of mind!
I know it's not your job to take care of me, but I would like to think that we're good enough friends that I can count on you when I'm ready to engage in activity better suited to a horror movie. Hopefully, now that you know I have this problem, I won't be so afraid to let you know when I do need an intervention. But letting you know was the harder part, I think.
And on that note, I will leave you with one of the songs that I pretty much always listen to when I'm feeling worthless.
Legislative Fail
If I seem a little angrier today than usual (I know, how is that possible, right?) there are, of course, numerous reasons for this, but the chiefest among them, at least today, is the continued indescribable stupidity of homo sapiens.
What do I mean by that? Well I mean the continued inability of the average human to grasp the concept of personal responsibility. Especially with regard to their own bodies.
Monday through Friday on Utah's X96, the Radio From Hell show does a spot called "Boner of the Day," where they run a contest between three news/ish items and the one with the most votes wins the boner award. The idea behind this is to choose the one with the stupidest human (basically. I'm sure the RFH people might word it differently, but ultimately, that's the point).
Today's boners included a story out of Michigan involving the Michigan State House of Representatives Lisa Brown. The boner stems from Rep. Brown's comments in the House leading to her being banned from speaking. What could she have possibly said that could have lead to such drastic measures, you ask? Just this: "I have not asked you to adopt and adhere to my religious beliefs. Why are you asking me to adopt yours?...And finally, Mr. Speaker, I'm flattered that you're all so interested in my vagina, but 'no' means 'no.'"
The outrage was apparently the bit about legislating her vagina, but I think the real offense stemmed from her insinuation that the other members of the House (strictly speaking, the men) are in some way raping her by legislating on abortion (seriously, how else do you interpret her last comment??).
My issues with this comment are numerous...where to begin, where to begin...?
Well, we've already begun with her rape insinuations, so let's move on to her apparent lack of anatomical familiarity.
As a woman, she should know the difference between her uterus and her vagina. Anti-abortion legislation isn't targeting her vagina, it's the contents of her uterus. If you're going to argue against abortion restrictions maybe you should consider becoming familiar with the anatomy that is actually involved (yes, the vagina is essentially also involved; however, the baby isn't growing in your vagina - unless you have serious pregnancy-related anatomical issues) because anything less makes you look stupid.
Next, there's the whole concept of "it's my body, I'll do what I want to it."
There is much mixed up in this...first there's the idea that it's your body and the government is trying to regulate it...um, actually, they're not. See, it's not your body they are trying to regulate, it's your behavior. And before you rabid liberal feminazis start screaming about regulating behavior, let me remind you, that the government already regulates behavior. That's right! What do you think they're doing when they make homicide and theft and buying and selling drugs illegal? They're regulating your behavior. Homicide doesn't happen on it's own. Things don't steal themselves, etc.
How is it a behavioral issue, you ask? Well duh! Pregnancy is a consequence of an action, an action is a behavior. Pregnancy doesn't happen in a vacuum, it requires an action to make it happen - and before you rabid liberal atheists bring up Jesus, let me remind you that you don't believe in that, which makes your argument invalid. Don't like the consequence? Then don't perform the action. (And don't start about the victims of rape/incest, either, because those are extenuating circumstances. We're talking about the wholesale use of abortion as a method of birth control here, so your argument is still invalid.) It's as simple as that.
The ideas that women had in the early 20th Century, about becoming equals with men, were essentially good, noble ideas. Unfortunately, in the intervening years, women (not all, just a very vocal few) have taken this to extremes. And they are extremes that cannot possibly continue unchecked. The very idea of equality gets trampled to dust when rabid feminists fail to realize that the "advances" they are seeking are not, as they like to say, a step in the right direction, but rather, a 360° move against what they are really after.
Both sexes must work together, not at odds with one another, if there is to be true equality. And only true equality is a step in the right direction.
What do I mean by that? Well I mean the continued inability of the average human to grasp the concept of personal responsibility. Especially with regard to their own bodies.
Monday through Friday on Utah's X96, the Radio From Hell show does a spot called "Boner of the Day," where they run a contest between three news/ish items and the one with the most votes wins the boner award. The idea behind this is to choose the one with the stupidest human (basically. I'm sure the RFH people might word it differently, but ultimately, that's the point).
Today's boners included a story out of Michigan involving the Michigan State House of Representatives Lisa Brown. The boner stems from Rep. Brown's comments in the House leading to her being banned from speaking. What could she have possibly said that could have lead to such drastic measures, you ask? Just this: "I have not asked you to adopt and adhere to my religious beliefs. Why are you asking me to adopt yours?...And finally, Mr. Speaker, I'm flattered that you're all so interested in my vagina, but 'no' means 'no.'"
The outrage was apparently the bit about legislating her vagina, but I think the real offense stemmed from her insinuation that the other members of the House (strictly speaking, the men) are in some way raping her by legislating on abortion (seriously, how else do you interpret her last comment??).
My issues with this comment are numerous...where to begin, where to begin...?
Well, we've already begun with her rape insinuations, so let's move on to her apparent lack of anatomical familiarity.
As a woman, she should know the difference between her uterus and her vagina. Anti-abortion legislation isn't targeting her vagina, it's the contents of her uterus. If you're going to argue against abortion restrictions maybe you should consider becoming familiar with the anatomy that is actually involved (yes, the vagina is essentially also involved; however, the baby isn't growing in your vagina - unless you have serious pregnancy-related anatomical issues) because anything less makes you look stupid.
Next, there's the whole concept of "it's my body, I'll do what I want to it."
There is much mixed up in this...first there's the idea that it's your body and the government is trying to regulate it...um, actually, they're not. See, it's not your body they are trying to regulate, it's your behavior. And before you rabid liberal feminazis start screaming about regulating behavior, let me remind you, that the government already regulates behavior. That's right! What do you think they're doing when they make homicide and theft and buying and selling drugs illegal? They're regulating your behavior. Homicide doesn't happen on it's own. Things don't steal themselves, etc.
How is it a behavioral issue, you ask? Well duh! Pregnancy is a consequence of an action, an action is a behavior. Pregnancy doesn't happen in a vacuum, it requires an action to make it happen - and before you rabid liberal atheists bring up Jesus, let me remind you that you don't believe in that, which makes your argument invalid. Don't like the consequence? Then don't perform the action. (And don't start about the victims of rape/incest, either, because those are extenuating circumstances. We're talking about the wholesale use of abortion as a method of birth control here, so your argument is still invalid.) It's as simple as that.
The ideas that women had in the early 20th Century, about becoming equals with men, were essentially good, noble ideas. Unfortunately, in the intervening years, women (not all, just a very vocal few) have taken this to extremes. And they are extremes that cannot possibly continue unchecked. The very idea of equality gets trampled to dust when rabid feminists fail to realize that the "advances" they are seeking are not, as they like to say, a step in the right direction, but rather, a 360° move against what they are really after.
Both sexes must work together, not at odds with one another, if there is to be true equality. And only true equality is a step in the right direction.
Medicine Cabinet Of Curiosities
Every now and then I come across something quite fascinating at my job. Some of the more interesting finds are medical related. For some reason, "medicine," and all it's accoutrements, invokes a very visceral response. Probably because, on some level, we're all morbidly fascinated with the inner workings of our own bodies.
Some more recent finds here have included two early 20th Century medical sanitizers (one complete with instruments), the cardboard container for dental anesthesia, some catgut sutures, and a bit of quackery known as "Kompo Bile Salts."
The sanitizers were a bit of a chore, because neither of them are marked by a maker, so one had to go on general description...which initially resulted in the first sanitizer being mislabeled a fish kettle; good thing it didn't get sold under that name! Can you imagine the shear disgusting gross-ness of boiling a fish in the device used to sanitize medical paraphernalia??! *cue endless dry heaving*
Let the above story be a warning to you - always do your research!
So how did it come about that we determined the true identity of the above previously misidentified piece? We got a second, of course, and the second was labeled by it's previous owner. This lead to some hasty emailing of experts to find out who was correct...of course it wasn't me (yes, that's right, I can be wrong from time to time - but don't get excited, it happens but rarely).
The second sanitizer was of particular interest as it contained some actual medical instruments. My colleague was convinced they are OB/GYN, but I wasn't so sure...so of course I agonized over them until I found proof to back me up. But the presence of them is both *squee* inducing and vomit inducing (I think it's the fact that they were clearly used...there's a big difference between brand new and used...).
Some more recent finds here have included two early 20th Century medical sanitizers (one complete with instruments), the cardboard container for dental anesthesia, some catgut sutures, and a bit of quackery known as "Kompo Bile Salts."
The sanitizers were a bit of a chore, because neither of them are marked by a maker, so one had to go on general description...which initially resulted in the first sanitizer being mislabeled a fish kettle; good thing it didn't get sold under that name! Can you imagine the shear disgusting gross-ness of boiling a fish in the device used to sanitize medical paraphernalia??! *cue endless dry heaving*
BELOW: Early 20th Century medical sanitizer originally misidentified as a fish kettle (feel free to Google "antique fish kettle" to see why it was an honest mistake). Click photos for larger image.
Let the above story be a warning to you - always do your research!
So how did it come about that we determined the true identity of the above previously misidentified piece? We got a second, of course, and the second was labeled by it's previous owner. This lead to some hasty emailing of experts to find out who was correct...of course it wasn't me (yes, that's right, I can be wrong from time to time - but don't get excited, it happens but rarely).
BELOW: The second sanitizer which lead to the true identification. Note that this one has legs; the first one appears to have had legs also.
The second sanitizer was of particular interest as it contained some actual medical instruments. My colleague was convinced they are OB/GYN, but I wasn't so sure...so of course I agonized over them until I found proof to back me up. But the presence of them is both *squee* inducing and vomit inducing (I think it's the fact that they were clearly used...there's a big difference between brand new and used...).
BELOW: Sanitizer contents from left: two urethral catheters (the far left appears to be the one that was originally attached to the tubing *hurk* [medical tubing is the worst!]); three urethral sounds (dilators) - 1 Pratt and 2 Dittel; and a catheter needle?
Other medical curiosities in the shop include the following:
According to the January 1914 edition of "Oral Hygiene: Journal for Dentists" (don't knock it, from what I've seen, thus far, it looks to be quite interesting!), 'Novrenin contains Adrenalin and Novocaine in approximately the proportions recommended for local anesthesia by Dr. Hermann Prinz, of St. Louis, in his well-known book on "Dental Materia Medica and Therapeutics." It meets the demand for a reliable local anesthetic without cocaine.' Of course this was simply an add for the stuff, but a "prominent dental practitioner" claims it's the best local anesthetic he's gotten hold of in years!
Other medical curiosities in the shop include the following:
According to the January 1914 edition of "Oral Hygiene: Journal for Dentists" (don't knock it, from what I've seen, thus far, it looks to be quite interesting!), 'Novrenin contains Adrenalin and Novocaine in approximately the proportions recommended for local anesthesia by Dr. Hermann Prinz, of St. Louis, in his well-known book on "Dental Materia Medica and Therapeutics." It meets the demand for a reliable local anesthetic without cocaine.' Of course this was simply an add for the stuff, but a "prominent dental practitioner" claims it's the best local anesthetic he's gotten hold of in years!
BELOW: Just the carton, not the actual drug (yes, that does suck).
The Davis & Geck Company was founded in 1909 by Charles T. Davis, Fred A. Geck, Frank C. Bradeen and Benjamin F. Hirsch; though only Davis and Hirsch remained with the company for any length of time. In the early days, their production facility was in the back room of a livery stable located on Carleton Avenue in Brooklyn, NY. Why is this notable? Because they were in the business of producing sterile sutures...
"In 1909, the year that the Davis and Geck Company was founded, most hospitals were sterilizing their own catgut sutures, frequently through the use of a chemical solution. The process was imperfect, and frequently resulted in infections or operative delays. In 1913 the Davis and Geck Company introduced the Calustro-thermal process for the heat sterilization of suture tubes after the sutures were sealed inside. This provided hospitals with a reliable product, and saved time in the operating room as well." - Davis and Geck Company Records, Dodd Center, UConn.
In 1922, Davis And Geck marketed the eyeless Atraumatic needles, which had the sutures attached directly to the needle. But by this time the company was already in some distress as Davis had become embroiled in a murder investigation - on 17 February 1921, he shot and killed a police detective! To add to that, Davis' mental health was questioned as he seemed to believe that Kaiser Wilhelm was trying to assassinate him...he was found guilty of the murder and sentenced to 10-20 in prison. But that wasn't the end of his troubles as in 1930, the company was sold to the American Cyanamid Corporation for $3 Mill, in an ownership dispute with Davis' estranged wife.
The Davis & Geck Company was founded in 1909 by Charles T. Davis, Fred A. Geck, Frank C. Bradeen and Benjamin F. Hirsch; though only Davis and Hirsch remained with the company for any length of time. In the early days, their production facility was in the back room of a livery stable located on Carleton Avenue in Brooklyn, NY. Why is this notable? Because they were in the business of producing sterile sutures...
"In 1909, the year that the Davis and Geck Company was founded, most hospitals were sterilizing their own catgut sutures, frequently through the use of a chemical solution. The process was imperfect, and frequently resulted in infections or operative delays. In 1913 the Davis and Geck Company introduced the Calustro-thermal process for the heat sterilization of suture tubes after the sutures were sealed inside. This provided hospitals with a reliable product, and saved time in the operating room as well." - Davis and Geck Company Records, Dodd Center, UConn.
In 1922, Davis And Geck marketed the eyeless Atraumatic needles, which had the sutures attached directly to the needle. But by this time the company was already in some distress as Davis had become embroiled in a murder investigation - on 17 February 1921, he shot and killed a police detective! To add to that, Davis' mental health was questioned as he seemed to believe that Kaiser Wilhelm was trying to assassinate him...he was found guilty of the murder and sentenced to 10-20 in prison. But that wasn't the end of his troubles as in 1930, the company was sold to the American Cyanamid Corporation for $3 Mill, in an ownership dispute with Davis' estranged wife.
BELOW: Kalmerid Catgut sutures: the box (left) and a vial with the suture.
Davis & Geck weren't the only company to have problems...In 1936, the Dr. W. A. Link Medicine Co was on trial for the misbranding of it's Kompo Bile Salts. Bile salts are "a mixture of sodium salts of the bile acids and cholic and chenodeoxycholic acids synthesized in the liver as a derivative of cholesterol. Their low surface tension contributes to the emulsification of fats in the intestine and their absorption from the GI tract." - medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com
According to the judgment, the US attorney for the Northern District of Texas filed against Joe W. Link (trading under Dr. blah, blah, blah), alleging a shipment of Kompo Bile Salts, in violation of the FDA, was misbranded. This charge was based on an analysis of the tablet components and the fact that the enclosed circular contained "false and fraudulent" statements regarding the curative or therapeutic effects of the tablets. Link was subsequently found guilty and fined $300.
Davis & Geck weren't the only company to have problems...In 1936, the Dr. W. A. Link Medicine Co was on trial for the misbranding of it's Kompo Bile Salts. Bile salts are "a mixture of sodium salts of the bile acids and cholic and chenodeoxycholic acids synthesized in the liver as a derivative of cholesterol. Their low surface tension contributes to the emulsification of fats in the intestine and their absorption from the GI tract." - medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com
According to the judgment, the US attorney for the Northern District of Texas filed against Joe W. Link (trading under Dr. blah, blah, blah), alleging a shipment of Kompo Bile Salts, in violation of the FDA, was misbranded. This charge was based on an analysis of the tablet components and the fact that the enclosed circular contained "false and fraudulent" statements regarding the curative or therapeutic effects of the tablets. Link was subsequently found guilty and fined $300.
BELOW: The offending article, in the flesh, as it were.
